Self: Invited to Play

Updated: Apr 30

Who am I?

Why am I here?

Why is it so hard?

What does it all mean?

Am I called to do this?

Because I'm not sure anyone chooses this $&%£ing path!

There's this dance that plays out between the two parts of us: the angelic self (the heart's music) and the animal self. (The Ego)

No doubt, you are well familiar with that dance.

For some of us, (not all but certainly some) that dance between your angelic self and your animal self is a million miles away from anything you'd see on BGT. (Britain's Got Talent).

My dance would have been more on par with my rhino self being matched up with a tree.

A tree planted high up in the Rocky Mountains; it felt absurd. The impossibility of it made it feel so much more absurd.

I would also add that my Rhino had rabies, was blind in one eye, was terrified of heights and snow and it had a freight train in hot pursuit of it always.

That's what my dance felt like for decades. That dance made me say the words like:

"I know what I should do, but I just can't do it"

Or another way of saying it is the passive aggressive patterns, unhealthy habits, and repeating set backs were killing me; I had to shift them or quite frankly, I wanted to check out.

I persisted with my absurd dance and 20 years later I can look back and hand pick the things I know now, that would have been lovely to have stumbled into age 20-ish.

We shall start with the End-in-Mind

applied across the Wheel of Life:

If we begin with the end in mind; then we get to talk about ideal outcomes for our self to experience and participate in across each area of life.

[SIDE BAR] For the purpose of this conversation, I'm choosing to use the Wheel of Life from Dr. Demartini's teachings. I'm a long-time student of Dr. Demartini - so I'm pulling his version vs. the hundreds out there. Right... moving on.

You could draw it:

If you were to re-draw this wee diagram in your notebook and inside each section allocate a mark out of 10 to represent your degree of satisfaction today, you could probably work your way around the wheel and allocate numbers from 0 to 10 easily enough.

I'm trusting that you know where you're content and where you're not in life. o_0

You could colour it in:

If you were to colour in each of the 7 sections up to the dot count,shade up to the first dot for scores of 1 out of 10, and shade sections up to the 10th dot for scores of 10 and so on, then you'd have a visual representation of your current happiness meter.

And... what? So what?

I have yet another way to reframe my degree of... misery?

Maybe I can prioritise the lowest numbered section on my coloured in wheel to tackle that area of life with more forced action, that needs me to psyche myself up, or rely on some external motivation in order to do the work that shifts the shit.

And when it all falls away a few days later, I will be:

  • Reading another self-help book

  • Attending another workshop

  • Buying into another seminar

  • Frustrated because I should, could, would, bleurgh.

And when that didn't work, I upped sticks and moved to the Middle East and wandered the desert for 2 years and hung out with some Sufis and Bedouins.

What does it take to truly shift the passive aggressive patterns and habits into something that feels healthy and inspired?

Jung suggested that truly shifting an area of life is on par with passing through the eye of a needle, blindfolded, tied between two elephants.

I jest, but only half. He didn't say the blindfolded elephant bit.

I didn't know:

1. The Conscious mind governs 1% to 5% of my day-to-day activities. The rest of the day was conducted on autopilot using one of my negative programmes from my unconscious mind.

2. The unconscious mind governs 95% of my day-to-day activities using a mix of the (negative) programmes it has on file.

Those programmes got there from:

  • 0-7year old self and the environment with which I was raised in. The brain from 0-7 years old is designed for super learning, it downloads everything as if the child exists fully inside a hypnotic state. Thus the influence of the environment, parents, siblings, community, and lifestyle is significant.

  • [SIDE BAR] This is the part of the brain that processes 40 million bits of data per second - that gives a whole new perspective to ages 0-7 years old.

  • What I've put there myself through my own repetitive actions; eg learning to walk, learning to drive a car, negative self talk, smoking.

  • How the unconscious: works it observes and stores with out suggesting this is not helpful, it just observes and stores blindly one could say.

3. That anytime I started thinking - my unconscious mind would quickly and quietly kick in one of those pre-made self -sabotaging programmes completely oblivious to the Conscious mind.

4. Self Consciousness (Self Awareness and the pursuit of Self Actualisation) is a bolted on option that very few seek to turn on never mind develop.

And it just happened to me again only one hour ago.

I'm in quarantine. I am allowed to go out and exercise; I get on my bicycle fully intending to take a new route to the park along the canal that empties into the Irish sea.

I had the thought of cycling along the canal to scope out a kayaking route, I warmed to the idea as I got on my bicycle.

As I cycled out of the driveway, I started thinking about the morning's events, what to do tomorrow and 30 minutes later I stop on the side of the road to reflect on what just happened twigging I've gone the opposite direction of the canal.

I set an intention of taking a new route. I let my conscious mind get busy thinking, so my unconscious mind reached quietly and quickly reached for a bicycle route programme that would take us to the park.

So while I was busy thinking about whatever, my unconscious mind ran my life in that 30-minutes and for the most part, I was oblivious to what was happening. I was too busy thinking.

I'm guessing you have had this experience, perhaps in a car?

You get in the car thinking you're going to Jennifer's gaf.

And an hour later you're freaking the eff out because you don't remember anything after pulling out of the driveway. You were busy thinking - and your unconscious self stuck a programme in to tend to the driving. Hah.

Insight 1: The 5% - The conscious mind runs up to a maximum of 5% of your day-to-day activities.

Insight 2: The 95% - The unconscious mind has many pre-recorded programmes that it pulls out anytime you are not present. So if you are thinking, your unconscious mind is driving.

Insight 3: Pre-recorded - The unconscious mind observes and stores 40 million bits per second making it 1-million times stronger than the conscious mind.

Insight 4: Paradox of Knowledge - It is not knowledge alone (or conscious action) that will shift disempowering habits, actions and patterns stored in the unconscious mind. Yet knowledge is a very important part of the process.

Another big piece of the puzzle for me was this:

I had ZERO idea that you cannot re-programme the unconscious mind by adding knowledge to the conscious mind and then acting from the conscious mind alone.

I know that seems rather obvious now... but I had no idea. And now I want to let out a great big FUCK! What an interesting thing to have know 20 MFing years ago. o_0

Learning was the only lifeline I knew:

I was obsessed with learning, taking notes, drawing pictures, attending lectures, books.. oh my goodness the books. I was on a mission to change my life by adding knowledge to the conscious mind.

All that knowledge... all those tips, tricks, techniques - all those 5-point starter systems

and I still. couldn't. shift. the. shit. and as such I hit levels of desperate.

Looking back I remember resenting and sometimes trembling inside the experience of passing through the eye of a needle (tied between two elephants) and yet on this side of it, I am so grateful I did the work that matters to get to this outcome.

Insight 5: Light is in the Dark - Going into the unconscious (darkness) to bring into the light (conscious awareness) those programmes that no longer serve you, is the way to transforming the frustrating parts of you into beautiful parts of you.

I shifted bits when I stumbled into the work of Osho, Rumi and Carl Jung.

I blew some shit into the next solar system when I engaged the work of Dr. Demartini.

I started to be able to articulate how I was spinning shit into bits of silk when I engaged the work of Dr. Bruce Lipton.

The greatest insight each one of them presented me with was this; make the unconscious conscious so that you can then get to work transforming those programmes.

Insight 6: Transforming - The unconscious bits of you that you just made conscious now want transforming. Just becoming aware of them does change the dynamics, but to truly transform requires I go the distance.

Insight 7: The Authentic Self - Continuous pursuit of transforming the unconscious patterns and programmes facilitates ever increasing states of your Authentic Self.

I am only recently starting to understand how to compare and contrast intellect with wisdom.

The penny drops

(There's 999 million pennies that need to drop by the way - and I'm grateful to see every freaking one ping down on me one penny at a time. Heh.) It is only by making the unconscious conscious that we then get to transform the programme from what was, to what wants to be.

Insight 8: Life in the Dark - Is where I love to be. Discovering more and more parts of myself that invite transforming from what was not serving me, to what can serve me as I continue on the journey of growing into the next version of me.

Here - I made you a picture.

Next question usually is what are the tools, strategies and resources we can engage to get on with it?

I'm guessing that if there are 8 billion people on the planet then there are probably 8 billion ways to do that.

I think I've got about 5 ways that I have really valued in assisting me along the way.

You can find those over here and decide for yourself if they resonate with you or not.

I've also got a 90-minute 1-2-1 workshop I offer those who are using their business as a vehicle to self-actualise. Details on that are here.

Namaste to you and yours